SAMSARA II
ILLUSION    

ROMANTIC LOVE II 

June 02, 1997, Monday, 
10:20 AM, Manhattan: 

Suffering,Oh sense sublime!
The fire in me burning divine
Love you with painful heart
Longing intense
So far apart
You love me not
In stomach and heart
Shall I keep or forget you? 


I walk to cliff
On the edge I stand
Waiting to jump 
Or walk away
You are another's lover
You love me not romantically
Then why does my heart cry so?
Why does my heart cry so?


Even if you did love me
Together we could not be
Far apart are we
And yet so close
It cannot be
You are too strong for me
My weak heart will shatter
At your careless breath


For you it cries
Like never before
This pain shall I feel
In my breast
This fire a spear
In my stomach
These thoughts that come
To my temple mind


Like uninvited wedding guests
You are on my heart
When I go to bed
You are on my being
When I wake up
Yet it would be wrong
To think of you
Like this


For you are
My friend's 
Lover
Even were you not 
His lover
Your power over me
Would too much be
For me to bear

If you started
To love another


Strong I thought
I was
Till this happened
To me
Now I am a helpless infant
Break me or love me
How could I
A strong man be
My insecurity is now 
flowing abundantly
At the thought of being 
With you or without you


With you I fear parting
Without you I am parted
Plunged into longings
Like those
For ones departed
Feel I towards thine
Like willows weeping
Like swans stretching
Towards the sun

Feel I towards thine
Like son seeking
His mother lost
In crowded fun
I cannot work
Nor sit nor eat
In peace
That was my friend

I cannot speak with you
Of my love
For you are
The lover of my friend
And were you not
His lover even
I still would
Be in despair
For one 
As beautiful as you
In spirit and form
One so fair

Energy
Like the shining sun
Voice
Like heavenly calling
Soft skin
Like petals 
Of lavender flower
Friendship like my soul

How could I 
Be with you and yet live
This is not possible
My love for you
Has but one comparison
Like the moth
For the flame of candle

If our hearts
Were to be as one
The bliss would be
Like rain and sun
But were our hearts
Then to be parted
I would not live
Broken hearted

That's why my dear
You cannot be my lover
Even though
My love is true
For my love for you
Is so real
That it burns me
Through and through

Festival of the heart
Pain so bitter
Bitter sweet dull aching
I cannot think of you
But I do
I cannot feel for you
My heart pays no heed

This weakness is a misdeed
Grounded in Morality
Shall I be
Talk with you
I shall not
Instead
Painting and poetry

Meditation 
Shall I dwell in
Day and night
Shine my light
So bright
That this feeling like
Melody divine
Shall rise from my bosom
unto heaven nine

My soul will 
Wail and sing
Of its missing
Its loss and longing
Tests are given by god
Temptation sent our way
Disguised as love
Will you do wrong?

I will elevate myself
And with me
This pain shall go
You the object of my love
Shan't even know
What I am doing
My friend
And sharer of secrets

I have told you
In ways subtle
But nothing 
Can come of this 
It is clear
So I shall 
Distract myself 
and pretend again
Pretend that 
I do meaningful good.
My life without meaning
I stay connected to God

This is the love
That I cling too
Your love 
Sweet and tempting
But wrong
Wrong for me
And wrong for you

So then I stay from you 
Like a distant shore
A romantic dream
Of days of yore
Something sublime
In the nick of time
Not had 
Nor ever to be had

Something so precious
A love like this
Is more dangerous 
Than the sharpest sword
For a sword kills the body
But this tears the heart

I will walk 
Connected to god
I will purify
My heart and mind
The pain of this love
Will be the fire
That will 
Cleanse my soul divine.
You I shall hurt from
And grow
Writing poetry
And becoming stronger

But never will I
Do wrong
Nor Call you
My hopeless wanderings like
A pigeon
or an eagle even
Trapped in a cage
Helpless
Like this am I
Trapped by your love

The pain I will feel
The pain I will feel
But complain will I not
Nor will I escape
Nor will I dilute
Not for any hopes
In innocence

In clarity
For such power 
Can kill me
Or deliver me
Such a choice
Is not given everyday
Such energy
So I will 
Submit willingly
To this power
Take me where you will

I will do right
Feel the pain
And wait
Suffering each day